Final Fantasy Fakers: Quest for the Excalipur
by UltimaPerson
Summary: Watch the crazy antics of the heroes and final bosses of all the FFsBut mostly ff6, in their quest to save the world! Or not. Half heroes, half villains, all idiots! Enjoy!
1. Heroes and Villans

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me or anyone else except for Square Enix.

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This my first story ever, meant as a total parody. And yes, their heads are screwed with purposely. Enjoy and review!

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It was a heated struggle, between the worst of the worst, and all of them knew only one would be victor. Sephiroth looked up, drew his sword, pointed it at his mortal enemy and yelled,"Kefka! Do you have any threes?" Kefka laughed and said,"Go fish Geezer Lad!" "Curses," Sephiroth replied as he drew a queen.

At that very moment, Zeromus and Exdeath went speeding straight in to Kefka's chair sending the clown made court mage sprawling across the floor. "How dare you!"Kefka screamed,"What is the meaning of this intrusion!?"Then Exdeath, getting back up off the floor, replied,"Me and Zeromus(But mostly Me)deducted that if we knock a clown into next week, we would effectively knock ourselves into last week because clowns are so frighteningly disturbing that one being knocked into next week would have that week turn tail and run directly into us. So ha!" Complete and utter silence. Then Kefka broke it by saying,"You're insane. And what, pray tell, would you gain from being knocked into last week, if that were frighteningly possible?" More silence. "I don't know," Exdeath said in a small voice. Even.More. Silence. "You little whelps... _Firaga!" _Suprised and enraged by this sudden magic attack, Exdeath absorbed the spell into his oodles of Hp and prepared an attack of his own. "Prepare yourself, feminine clown," Exdeath commanded. "For you have invoked the powers of the Void! _Almagest_ !" Unfortunately for Exdeath, Almagest is a multi targeting attack. And since there were several extremely powerful easily annoy able antagonists in the room, all hell obviously broke loose.

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Meanwhile in FF6...

High, high in the sky, a greedy white haired man drove an airship as a bandana'd 'treasure hunter' named Locke looked at a treasure map with the rest of his party, an artist who always gets what she wants, whether she wills it to or not, an emo ninja, and the white haired man driving the airship. "I'm not exactly sure how Setzer is going to drive," said the 'treasure hunter', "But I want all of you to come here and read this with me." Then the artist piped up, "I want cake!" Locke then snapped back,"Shut up Relm."

"But I want cake!"

The Ninja then stepped out of the shadows, loomed over Relm and said, "_**Questing for**_ _**Cake only brings death and despair**_."

"Locke! Shadow's scarring me for life again!"

"Both of you SHUT UP and come over here and read this! Setzer, you too."

The man named Setzer, not looking up from his Gil, replied, "I'm too busy counting my money."

"I thought you were driving!"

"Oh, yeah. That too."

"Get over here!"

Once Locke had finally gotten his reluctant party together, he showed them the map. "Okay everyone, here is the map. It says it's showing the way to the Excali... it fades away here, but its says 2 on the end. now this could either be the Excalibur 2, stronger than Lightbringer, or the Excalipur 2, which is weaker than Kefka's 'ultimate' attack." Everyone then laughed at the mention of their weakling final boss (except Shadow, who was too busy thinking about death). Then Relm said unexpectedly,"Maybe it's a cake!" Locke then replied,"Definitely. not. I don't even think we should go questing for. It could be a waste of time and-" "_Control." _Locke then stopped, made a 180 degree turn, and said,"We quest for CAKE!" And, with Relm giggling with glee, they set off on a pointless quest which probably wouldn't save the world. But they did it anyway. Idiots.

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Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me or anyone else except for Square Enix.


	2. 2 Quests Begin

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy (and ) still does not belong to me or anyone else except for Square Enix.

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After the final boss free for all was over, things returned to normal, except with a little more Ibuprofen. And, as usual Kefka and Sephiroth were in heated banter over a card game. "Now I play this card in face down position!" Kefka announced. "You can't do that," Sephiroth replied."It's poker."

"It's whatever the hell I want it to be!"

"Cool it, Pennywise!"

"No!"

"Why are we even playing this stupid game!?"

"I don't know!"

"And why are we still yelling!?"

"I don't know!"

"Then let's stop."

They stopped. Then Sephiroth, in a much quieter voice then said,"We shouldn't just be sitting here playing pointless card games! We should be conquering! Becoming gods! Stabbing innocent girls in the back!"

Then Kefka replied sarcastically," Yeah, and we all know well that worked the first time around.."

"Yes, but with my power, and my power, anything is possible!"

After another large argument, they finally agreed (!!)and set off to conquer, become gods, and stab innocent girls in the back.

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Now the party of good guys was on their way to the Seventh Sanctum, the alleged resting place of the Excalibur 2. While Shadow was cutting himself with the oborozuki, and Relm was drawing a picture of cake, Locke was making sure Setzer was going to the right place. "The Sanctum is in the mouth of the Serpent's Trench," said Locke, still holding the map, convinced by Relm to quest for the Excalibur 2.

"Just land directly in the middle Setzer, and we'll be in the sanctum."

"There had better be mountains of Gil in there!"said the very annoyed gambler. "I don't want to do all this pinpoint flying for nothing!"

After several (dozens)of failed attempts, they were able to land in the Sanctum. After exiting the airship, they found themselves in a lobby of sorts, with mirrors making up the floor, ceiling, and walls. They also saw 8 doors, one huger than the rest. The huge one had seven spherical openings that obviously opened it. Why else would they be there? Then, a booming voice came out of nowhere and yelled,"GREAT HEROES! AND EMO TAG ALONG! WELCOME TO THE SEVENTH SANCTUM, HAVEN TO THE MIGHTY IN BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT! THE OBJECT YOU SEEK LIES BEYOND THE GREAT DOOR, OPENED BY THE SEVEN ORBS OF THE SEVEN TRIALS! THE ORBS OF FIRE, WATER,LIGHTNING, WIND, EARTH, STEEL, AND VOID! YOU MAY TAKE THE CHALLENGES IN ANY ORDER YOU LIKE!"

Then they heard it gasp for breath, clear it's throat, and the room fell silent. After a while the silence was broken by Locke who said,"Ookaaay. That was convenient. I say we start at door number one." The rest of the party, still freaked out by the disembodied voice, quietly followed(except for Shadow, who was too distracted by how alone he was). Eventually, Shadow was left behind, and door number one was sealed behind them, and the 1st of the seven trials began.

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Disclaimer: Final Fantasy (and ) still does not belong to me or anyone else except for Square Enix.


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